How to Make Children’s Contact With Their Incarcerated Parents As Easy As Possible
Having an incarcerated parent or loved one is stressful for anyone — especially children. While there are resources for helping children with incarcerated parents that include the need for children to communicate with their parent (provided the child was not a victim of a crime and it is in the best interest of the child to do so), getting the conversation started can be difficult. No matter how close the child is to their loved one before incarceration, seeing them in-person or via voice/video calls can cause a child to become overwhelmed or shy. Often, the child does not understand how the relationship with the incarcerated parent should look.
Being prepared with ice breakers can improve children’s contact with their incarcerated parents by providing them with conversation starters that are easy for them to understand.
Reassure the Child That They Can Discuss Their Lives and Ask Questions
To begin, it is important to note that children can often feel confused or embarrassed when talking about their outside lives to their incarcerated parent. They may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or conflicted regarding whether it is insensitive to share their lives when one parent is not capable of being there and is kept from the outside world.
Reassure them that it is alright and healthy to discuss their lives and that their parent wants to hear how they are doing.
Keep Track of Thoughts or Questions the Child Has
Kids are inherently curious. They will likely have questions that come up periodically about their incarcerated parent but will forget them when the opportunity arises to ask the parent themselves.
Depending on the age and abilities of the child, you can keep a list of their questions on your phone or have them write their thoughts in a notebook. Reassuring them that they can ask their parent soon will help alleviate stress associated with not knowing when they will speak again, and they can be prepared with a list of their questions.
Encourage the Child to Show Off Their Talents
Studies show that when a child has outside interests and special talents — such as sports, art, dancing, or reading — it helps their confidence grow while a parent is incarcerated. Beyond praising and encouraging the child in their interests, they can showcase their talents to their incarcerated parent during video calls or in-person visitation. This will help excite them to show off and bridge the gap between the child and their parent to feel more connected and maintain a positive relationship.
If the child does not have outside interests, share pictures of projects completed at school. Save report cards, awards, or diplomas so they can be shared. Additionally, you can print these photos and send them to the parent if the jail allows, which helps children’s contact with their incarcerated parent while they are away.
Create Cards for the Parent
While this works best around holidays, there is never a bad time to create a card for a loved one. Have the child draw and decorate a card for the parent, and spend some time allowing them to explain the card’s contents during voice or video calls. (If the jail allows you to bring in the card, this can also occur during in-person visits.) It can help break the ice and begin the conversation. Then, kids can send the card knowing the parent is already excited to receive it (plus, you can add those photos of things your child has been doing!)
Share a Favorite Story
Reading a story can be a great way to start a conversation between the child and parent. Whether you read the story to the child or they are old enough to read on their own, they will feel a sense of comfort sharing a familiar book, and can point out their favorite parts or discuss the plot and characters. From there, the conversation can expand by asking the child how they are similar to the characters, whether they have participated in specific activities outlined in the story, or asking them what they have learned from the book.
Sing Songs
While it can seem awkward at first, children feel a sense of security when singing with or being sung to by a parent. Singing a favorite or well-known song together can help soothe the child and make them comfortable enough to continue the conversation.
Understand That The Child’s Comfort Levels Will Change
Your child’s feelings toward communicating with their incarcerated parent may change over time. A previously chatty child may become suddenly shy, or they may only want to visit every other time. Whatever they are feeling is valid, even if it changes. Letting them know you accept their feelings will allow you to be a resource for children trying to navigate life with an incarcerated parent.
How HomeWAV Improves Children’s Contact With Their Incarcerated Parents
HomeWAV makes it easier than ever for children to have contact with their incarcerated parents. We provide families with access to video calls, voice calls, and messaging, with direct scheduling in an easy-to-use app. We strongly believe in the importance of families being able to foster relationships despite someone being incarcerated. We hope to fight against the negative impacts having an incarcerated parent can have on children. View more features of our product, or contact us for support.
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